I think it’s fair to say I’ve blossomed over the past 7 years.
I just beat Klaudia at Words with Friends and she came into my room and said: “Don’t let the green light be a beacon of hope because next time I will burn you. *burn you* Ta-ta!”
3rd grade
- friend: *whispering* if you're stupid say "what"
- me: what
- friend: OH MAN
- OH
- OH DEAR FUCKING CHRIST
- I GOT YOU SO GOOD, THAT WAS AWESOME
- SWEET, SWEET DICKS IN MY MOUTH. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD. EVER.
- JESUS. JESUS HELP ME.
It’s that time of month again… you know what that means…
BEST DESCRIPTION OF A PERIOD I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
You see the weirdest things at parks in LA. This guy was bench-pressing this goose for ten minutes.
Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most if north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar
- Me with romantic interest: Hi, how've you been lately? How's that project you're working on? Yeah? I'd love to see sometime, dude! How's the family? Good, good. Well, I'll talk to you later! Yeah we definitely need to hang out more often. Hopefully see you soon! :)
- Me with platonic friend: YOU GORGEOUS CREATURE HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE LAST I SAW YOU? HOW I'VE MISSED YOUR LUCID DIAMOND EYES, UGH I JUST WANT TO KISS YOU AND MAKE SWEET, SWEET LOVE UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. WHY ARE YOU SO PERFECTLY SCULPTED, ARE YOU AN ANGEL MADE OF MARBLE LET'S GET MARRIED.
empty threat
I love when you become so close with someone that you can see parts of each other in one another and you begin to say the same things and steal lines from one another and have a similar sense of humor and can exchange an inside joke with just a glance you don’t even have to talk because you have such a strong connection with them and you can sit in comfortable silence but also talk for hours it’s really hard to find that kind of compatibility
FUCK YOU BRIAN
Do you want to go back to jail?
Daniel’s mom is a fucking idiot.
"HAVE YOU EVER" hour ,
- 1. had sex?
- 2. bought condoms?
- 3. gotten pregnant?
- 4. failed a class?
- 5. kissed a boy?
- 6. kissed a girl?
- 7. had a job?
- 8. left the house without my wallet?
- 9. bullied someone on the internet?
- 10. sexted?
- 11. had sex in public?
- 12. smoked weed?
- 13. smoked cigarettes?
- 14. smoked a cigar?
- 15. drank alcohol?
- 16. been to a wedding?
- 17. been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
- 18. watched tv for 5 hours straight?
- 19. been late for school?
- 20. kissed in the rain?
- 21. showered with someone else?
- 22. been outside my home country?
- 23. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?
- 24. had lice?
- 25. gotten my heart broken?
- 26. had a credit card?
- 27. been to a professional sports game?
- 28. broken a bone?
- 29. been unhappy about my weight?
- 30. won a trophy?
- 31. cut myself?
- 32. been on a diet?
- 33. rode in a taxi?
- 34. stayed up for 24 hours or more?
- 35. been to a concert?
- 36. had a crush on someone of the same sex?
- 37. had braces?
- 38. wore make up?
- 39. lost my virginity before I was 16?
- 40. kissed someone a different race than myself?
- 41. Snuck out of the house?
- 42. had oral sex?
- 43. dyed my hair?
- 44. met someone famous?
- 45. been on vacation?
- 46. been on a boat?
- 47. been on an airplane?
- 48. prank called someone?
- 49. taken a pregnancy test?
- 50. been suspended from school?
Keep your eyes on the cross
whatthfuck.
no no no no non on on ono
